If you are a person who is constantly facing failures then you know how it feels like to make the people who matter to you disappointed. It will always bother you thinking that the people who cherish your littlest achievements will definitely be disheartened at your huge failures. Sometime, the failures are uncalled for, unforeseen and you don't even know what went wrong. In my experience, some failures occur at the situations that needed to be on your favour. The failure that occurred to be a disappointment could change your life if it wasn't a failure after all.
I always ponder over how disappointed my close-ones are because I repeatedly let them down yet they put up with me. They smile and show confidence in me and that kills me from inside daily. Every time I know I need to take a decision or prove myself, I fear I wouldn't be able to. The disappointment is not personal. The funniest part is that it is always of the people I care for. I wonder sometimes, if I had no one to care for, no one to care for me, life would have been far easier. I would take risks, shun everything I am compelled to do and live freely. There would be no eyes looking up to me with expectations, no face frowning at my downfall and most importantly no heartache for the ones who expected something out of me.
This whole expectation game is so so bitter that you can't even quit fighting. You can't yell and say ENOUGH! You can't say I QUIT! You can't say I AM LOSING! Because come on girl, you are strong and you have responsibilities. You were meant to be a fighter. And you know what? This fighter never wanted to fight, never wanted to put herself in this battle.
The easiest thing one could do in my situation was to give up on life. All black, all gone, lost into the mysterious blackness of afterlife. But you know what compelled me to refrain from it? The same disappointed faces of the people who care and I care for. There is no escape from disappointment. No running away from it unless you are winning.
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